Saturday, October 10, 2015

Drinks for the Democratic debates: Hillary Clinton


My new blogging buddy Paul W. has given me a job I was going to do anyway as part of his Democratic Debate Drinking Game for October 2015 Even Though The Election Is Still 2016 And All: The All's Fair In Love And Gwar Version.
I will update this later to add links to any custom drinks or craft beers that my ally and co-conspirator Pinku-Sensei can put up on his Crazy Eddie Motie's News blog!
Thanks, Paul!  It's an honor.

Follow over the jump to read drink ideas for the front-runner, Hillary Clinton.

Two sources have already chipped in with their suggestions.  Hypeline has the less helpful of the two.
Hillary Clinton = Tequila (w/the worm at the bottom)


So you think you’re having a grand ole time enjoying some tequila that can really get a party going? Watch out with that bottle you bought..you might just end up with only a worm at the end of it.
I'm not impressed.  First, the worm is in mezcal, not tequila.  I drank it in Mexico and ate the worm, so I know.  I actually liked it, too.  Second, Hypeline appears to have a conservative slant and might be letting its prejudices get in the way of its imagination.

I'm more impressed with Vinepair's What Would Each Of The Presidential Candidates Drink?

Hillary Clinton is known to love her beer, but she can’t possibly fit a growler in her pantsuit pocket. She has to be discreet, carrying her brews in a receptacle more traditionally used for hard liquor.
The .gif I used at the head of this entry shows this, but here is one of the frames in case the animation flashed by too quickly.


Presidente beer.  Perfect.

Finally, I have a recipe for the mixed drink aficianados, the Hillary Clinton cocktail.  Yes, there is such a thing.
Hillary Clinton Cocktail
1 1/2 oz. Vodka
1 oz. Southern Comfort
1/2 oz. Apple Pucker
1/2 oz. Sweet and Sour Mix

Method: Pour all ingredients into a shaker with ice. Shake well,then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garninsh with an apple slice and maraschino cherry.
One of these posts would not be complete without Paul's rules for the candidates, so here they are for Madame Clinton.
  • If Hillary enters the stage being carried by six of her handlers on one of those Egyptian royalty carts to the walk-up song "The Bitch Is Back," drink every bottle you got.
  • If Hillary reaches the podium and declares "KNEEL FOOLISH MORTALS FOR I AM YOUR OVERLORD", genuflect and take a drink.
  • If Hillary tries to laugh a little too eager before shredding the soul of the fool who dares question her, take a drink and avert your eyes before the bloodshed covers the screen.
  • If Hillary makes a valid point about how overblown the attacks on her character have been the last four eight  twelve twenty thirty forty years, take a drink.
  • If Hillary directly answers a moderator's question about Benghazi, take a drink.
  • If Hillary directly answers a moderator's question about Vince Foster, take a drink.
  • If Hillary refuses to dignify a moderator's question about the Lewinsky scandal, take a drink.
  • If Hillary mocks Trump, take a drink.
  • If Hillary gets asked about Jeb Bush and she replies "Jeb who?" cheer and drink whole bottle.
  • Update: If Hillary gets asked about the partisan nature of the congressional Benghazi committees, and she leans over the podium and shouts at the cameras "Hey How'd That All Work Out For Ya, McCarthy?" and laughs like a sadistic hyena, cheer and drink whole bottle.
  • If Hillary wins the evening as expected, slides on her sunglasses, checks her smartphone for texts and idly announces "Khaleesi out, bitches," drink whatever's left of your bottles.


Stay tuned for more.  I've already found a Vice President cocktail recipe for Biden.

2 comments:

  1. "If Hillary wins the evening as expected, slides on her sunglasses, checks her smartphone for texts and idly announces "Khaleesi out, bitches," drink whatever's left of your bottles."

    Wait what? You expect her to come out on top of Bernie Sanders?

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    1. Not me, as these are Paul W.'s rules, not mine. On top of which, who gets to define winning? With an impartial scorer, Bernie has a good chance. But the scorers will be the corporate media, and they'd generally expect Clinton to win and would be prone to make close calls in her favor. The only way Bernie could win in that environment is in the polls of the debate watchers. So answer your phones if you're called or find the websites for the online polls.

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