Meyers, The Daily Show, and Kimmel take closer looks at Trump's designs on Greenland and Canada

Stephen Colbert, Jon Stewart, and Jimmy Kimmel all returned Monday night and Seth Meyers returned last night, so I'm kicking off today's post with Trump's Insane Press Conference About Greenland, Jack Smith, Gulf of Mexico: A Closer Look, the first of the new year.

Seth takes a closer look at President-elect Trump starting off the new year by threatening to take over a bunch of foreign countries right before getting sentenced for a felony conviction and holding an insane press conference to complain about it.

Yes, Hoover Cleveland is still a convicted criminal, but I doubt Trump will receive any of what I expected last year.

I'm being a good environmentalist by recycling what I wrote fourteen months ago when Colbert's studio audience gave a standing ovation when told about Trump's indictment; Kimmel's was just as loud.

"[J]ail to the chief" is a great line, but it's going to be a while. I expect he'll be sentenced to house arrest in Trump Tower with the Secret Service as his guards, at least for this set of crimes.

I stand by that prediction with the possible addition of $170,000 in fines, $5,000 for each conviction, although Jimmy K's desire for community service to be part of the sentence would work for me, too.

Maybe Judge Merchan will sentence Hoover Cleveland to community service and consider his serving as President to be community service. That would be creative. Unfortunately, Hoover Cleveland is more likely to receive an unconditional release. Sigh.

As for Trump's obsession with Greenland, I turn to The Daily Show, which had more to say about Trump's expansionist ambitions in Trump Ratchets Up Call to Annex Canada & Greenland as Trudeau Says He'll Resign.

Desi Lydic discusses Trump's imperialist push ahead of his inauguration, including making Canada the 51st state, renaming the Gulf of Mexico, and possibly invading Greenland. Plus, Jordan Klepper is hyped about colonialism's apparent comeback.

At least he no longer seems interested in trading Puerto Rico for Greenland. I described that idea as a stupid move unworthy of a board game four years ago.

On paper, admitting Puerto Rico as a counterweight to Washington, D.C. looks like it might work. The problem is that the Republican Party has become Trump's party and the former guy dislikes Puerto Rico and Puerto Ricans enough that he reportedly wanted to swap the island commonwealth for Greenland.* As long as he's the party leader, his prejudices and those of his followers will stand in the way of statehood.
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*This reminds me of a stunt I pulled in a games of Pax Britannica 30-35 years ago when I played the United Kingdom/Great Britain. I called it "Aristotle is not a Belgian." When Belgium, a minor power that runs by automatic rules, made a move that resulted in a Casus Belli, I would call for a Congress of Europe and propose a deal that would give Belgium the U.K's possessions in Newfoundland and Guiana (if I could convince the French player, France's possession in Guiana as well) along with a codominion in whichever territory Belgium had established a protectorate or possession, usually the Congo. That would get get rid of two low-value colonies for the U.K. and one for France, freeing those counters to be deployed in more high-value territories, and use up all of Belgium's counters for protectorates and possessions, eliminating it as a obstacle to the players who had plans for Africa.

What TFG is alleged to have proposed would not have been possible in Pax Brittanica and would have been a stupid deal even if it were. First, Denmark was not one of the minor powers in the game (Belgium, the Netherlands, Spain, and Portugal were) and Greenland was not one of the available territories, so there would be nothing to swap for. Even if it had, I expect Greenland would have had an economic value of 1 or 2, while Puerto Rico, which is in the game, has a value of 5. This would have been a bad economic deal. Then again, if he actually did want to do this, it would have been for irrational reasons. That doesn't surprise me.

And now he's adding Canada to his expansionary "concepts of plans" as the 51st state. I'd only be in favor of that if each Canadian province were admitted as the 53rd through 62nd states after Washington D.C. and Puerto Rico. That's only slightly more likely than "a new constitution that replaces the republic with a constitutional monarchy and invite[s] Meghan Mountbatten-Windsor to be Queen." Monkeys will fly out of my butt first.

I conclude with Jimmy Kimmel, who asked Trump Wants to Buy Greenland!?, Bromance with Elon on the Rocks & Zuckerberg Kisses the Ring.

It is very windy and smoky here in Los Angeles, Jimmy got an on the scene weather report from Guillermo this morning, Cher is here on the show with us tonight, Trump gave a double-doozy of a press conference today from Mar-a-Lago where he covered all the big issues from rebranding the ocean to windmills to water pressure, he suggested that he might buy Greenland and sent his son Don Jr to check it out, Lara Trump is busy ruining Tom Petty songs, Hunter Biden and Flavor Flav hung out at a White House gathering for digital creators, the bromance between Trump and Elon Musk appears to be precarious, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg released a suspiciously Trump-friendly announcement today, Pornhub is no longer available in Florida, and we shine a light on all the craziness with 2025’s first edition of “This Week in Florida.”

Yikes! If he's sending Don Jr. there, then he's serious about Greenland. As I wrote yesterday, "Here's to the comedians keeping us sane in the new year. We need it!"