'Trump' brags about his cognitive abilities as 'SNL' returns after winning 2 Emmy Awards

I told my readers to "Stay tuned for highlights of Saturday Night Live's first show of the new year, when I plan on covering its Emmy Awards as well as the one Emmy won by A Black Lady Sketch Show." Without any further ado, I present Trump Courthouse Cold Open.

Donald Trump (James Austin Johnson) speaks to the media after appearing in court for his E. Jean Carroll defamation trial.

I was wondering when I'd encounter someone else calling Ambassador Haley "Darling Nikki." It took SNL's writers to do it; the real Trump would rather call her "Birdbrain" — coming from him, that's rich, although projection is the Right's favorite defense mechanism and Trump projects, so it should be expected — or Nimrada, a mangling of her real first name, Nimarata, which doubles as an allusion to Nimrod and a xenophobic/racist dog whistle, one of which we'll see and hear during Weekend Update. Speaking of insulting nicknames, Ron DeStupid for Ron DeSantis works for me, but again that was SNL's writers, not Trump. He needs better writers, not that he would follow their lead or even understand what he's reading until after he hears himself say it.

Trump's cognitive issues were among the subjects of Weekend Update: Trump Sports Mysterious Hand Rash, CNN Cancels Republican Debate.

Weekend Update anchors Colin Jost and Michael Che tackle the week's biggest news, like Trump eyeing Rep. Elise Stefanik as his running mate for the 2024 presidential election.

The likely rematch between Biden and Trump reminds me of what I first wrote last February.

A fellow guest at a party I attended in the summer of 2016 asked me how we got TFG and Hillary Clinton as nominees. I told him that the parties got the nominees they deserved. The Republicans got TFG because the party was too weak and the Democrats got Hillary Clinton because the party was too strong. He laughed ruefully and asked if the American people deserved the nominees. I told him that was another matter entirely.

I elaborated on that last month, writing "That's still true and is why we're almost certainly going to get a rematch between TFG and Joe Biden next year" — now this year.

Speaking of strong parties, I'm recycling what I included in Colbert, Meyers, and Kimmel return from the Emmys to take closer looks at the Iowa Caucus about Elise Stefanik calling for everyone else but Trump to drop out and endorse the former President. I saw that and reacted on Twitter/X.

1. She's continuing her audition to be TFG's VP.
2. Pelosi wished for a strong Republican Party. This is what it looks like. She should be careful what she wishes for.
3. https://t.co/wDAB2W3m0e https://t.co/GkjUGDo7lQ

— Crazy Eddie's Motie News (@pinkusensei) January 17, 2024

The video description mentioned Stefanik, but I didn't recall hearing her mentioned (did you?) so I'm making up for the apparent omission.

Follow over the jump for the rest of Weekend Update, an ad parody, and SNL's and A Black Lady Sketch Show's Emmy Awards.