And now, The Way of the (Political) K00K.
I've been online for 21 years this month, so I've seen all kinds of things online. One of the most persistent phenomena of the internet, whether the pre-web days of bulletin board systems (BBS's) and Usenet, the Web 1.0 days of discussion forums, or today's Web 2.0 environment of blogs, Twitter, and Facebook, are eccentric users who "post uniquely strange, preferably incomprehensible articles, or...manifest a persistent, extreme, and somewhat bizarre obsession." In short, the net.kooks. These people have "a special fascination derived from his/her/its utter ineffability. Their behavior is irrational, if not downright weird, but they are seldom merely boring."
Lately, it seems that the people who would have spent their days behind a keyboard have ventured out into the real world and become politicians. Join me over the fold, where I present a version of the net classic "The Way of The K00K" to help readers understand these people who have ventured off the internet and the fringe to become elected politicians.
Below adapted from the versions of The Way of the K00K archived here and here.
See how many of these apply to your favorite politicians. Also note which parties have the highest percentage of politicians how fit these criteria.
- Never learn from your mistakes.
- Always practice your mistakes; you may get them right.
- Never learn from anyone else's, either.
- Always pick on those smarter and tougher than you.
- Always believe that only you know the TRVTH.
- Never allow logic or reason get in the way of a good k00k.
- If you are going to be wrong, do it at the top of your lungs.
- When caught in a lie: LIE!
- Plagiarism is your friend. Use it.
- Whenever contradicted, start calling people names, and make false accusations.
- Quote notorious scientists or writers - it makes it look as if they approve the drivel you are writing!
- Scare your enemies with threats of lawsuits, arrests, and baseball bats.
- Be vigilant in your redundancy. The more you repeat yourself, the more likely others will believe you!
- When responding to one line challenges, post paragraphs of rants and screed in response.
- Incoherency is not a roadblock to communcating your message.
- Neither is illiteracy.
- Delusions posted often enough become fact.
- Always accuse others of the very acts you are guilty of.
- Post lots of boasts about your high IQ and incredible talents.
- Nothing strikes terror into the hearts of your detractors more than telling them that you're archiving their messages for possible use in the future.
- Remember that your kooky claims are 'facts', and that 'facts' do not require proof.
- Keep in mind that lack of evidence supporting your conspiracy theory actually _is_ evidence, of how effective the konspiracy is in hiding.
- Do not consult psychiatrists or other mental health professionals. They are part of the conspiracy, and will sedate you and lock you away and keep you drugged if you tell them the truth.
- Publishing people's real names, addresses, and phone numbers when there's no other way for you to come out of a flamewar with any dignity is cool, and proves that you are a master of secret internet information stores, and absolutely not to be fucked with.
- Everyone is out to get you. You can put a stop to this by telling everyone that they're out to get you at every available opportunity.
- You are the only sane one.
- Yelling in all caps and cursing at your detractors is debate. Your detractors laughing at you with sarcastic remarks is obvious anger and jealousy.
- Those that give you a hard time about morally bankrupt things you yourself admit to are just persecutioners of the new inquisition.
- Poking holes in kookscreed is stalking, and is a felony.
- Kooks LOVE to "connect the dots". They are, of course, dots that only the kook can see.
- They laughed at Einstein, too!
How does one recognize a kook?
The people who post demented "scientific" theories, such as the universe being one giant atom of plutonium, and seem incorrigible to criticism, are moderate kooks.
The sort of being who constantly raves about the conspiracy against her/him/it is an extreme kook, especially if he/she/it automatically assumes that anyone who questions their world-view is an agent of the conspirators or is an ultra right-wing/left-wing extremist.
So, who do you know in politics that fits either of these criteria?
While you ponder my questions, listen to The Kooks singing Crazy.
Post a Comment