Colbert, Noah, Kimmel, and Meyers mock Trump's premature declaration of victory

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!* Other than the footnote, that's the last I'll say about the U.K. holiday because the 2020 election results, such as they are, take precedence. So does the ability to laugh at them.

I begin with Stephen Colbert's monologue Biden Urges Patience And Trump Claims Victory As Battleground States Count Their Ballots.

Stephen still hasn't left his Election Night set because, as of Wednesday night's Late Show, Americans don't know who will be their next president.

Thank you, Stephen, for announcing that Michigan has been called for Joe Biden. It saved me the trouble.

Next, Trevor Noah's Trump Wants to Stop Counting Votes & Republicans Hold the Senate.

Joe Biden is currently on track to win the presidency, Donald Trump uses his election night speech to make baseless claims about fraud and threaten a Supreme Court case, and the GOP maintains control of the Senate.

No, Trevor, we still don't know who has won the Electoral College. John Oliver told his viewers to expect an election month not just an election night and that's exactly what we're getting. I caught Trevor's throwaway line about recycling plastic as something that feels good but means nothing, reminding me that America Recycles Day is ten days from now. Also, Trevor is right about the limits of money in politics. All the campaign contributions for Amy McGrath and Sara Gideon couldn't get them ahead of Mitch McConnell and Susan Collins. There are some things money can't buy.

I continue with Trump Falsely Claims Victory After Crazy Election Night from Jimmy Kimmel.

Jimmy talks about Election Night carrying into today, the polls being wrong again, Trump’s 2AM declaration that he won the election and claiming four states that hadn’t been called yet, astonishment that after four years of everything Trump has done people still wanted to vote for him, newscasters being angry about Trump’s remarks, Trump not handling the news that he's losing very well, and an all-new Political Edition of Mean Tweets.

Kimmel nearly always has the most complete descriptions of all the late night talk show hosts on his YouTube videos and this one is no exception.

I close with As Biden Nears Victory, Trump Tries to Steal the Election: A Closer Look from Seth Meyers.

Seth takes a closer look at President Trump and his allies falsely declaring victory, lying to discredit the results and trying to stop the count altogether as Joe Biden tentatively gains enough states to win the presidency.

Normally, I'd place Seth's Closer Looks first or second, but this one went too long for my taste, so I'm saving it for my more patient readers.

Speaking of patience, my readers and I will require lots of it, as I don't expect the key states to be called until tonight or tomorrow and North Carolina will not announce the results from late mail-in ballots until a week from today. Stay tuned.

*I wrote that I added Guy Fawkes Day to this blog's calendar six years ago, but I've never written a post dedicated to the holiday since then, although John Oliver on voting machines for Election Day came close. U.S. elections have been more pressing than a British holiday. This year is no exception.